For the Love of Bombay: What I will (and will not) miss about Mumbai

We have five months left in India.  For a vacationer, this seems like forever.  But for a place where you've established yourself, made friends, and picked haunts, 150 days is a short amount of time. The transition of moving from one location to another always brings out a series of mixed emotions: you are leaving an old life behind while looking forward to the one to come.  Initiating project devil's advocate, I am going to play a game called "this is what I will and will not miss about Mumbai."

Drivers like to honk their horns in Mumbai: it's a way to say hello, goodbye, I'm turning, move, I will run you over, or any other form of communication that says I have a car horn and I am not afraid to use it... Horn NOT ok!

Not miss:
The noise, the traffic, the smog, smoke, dust and dirt

Miss:
The people, delicious food, beautiful fabrics, the dances of bird songs outside my window

Not miss:
Fireworks the sound of bombs going off at all hours of the day (Sunday at 5:00 am this morning);

Miss:
How excited my dogs get about all of the interesting smells and finds;

Not miss:
Having to bleach bath my vegetables before I can eat them, not being able to drink the water;

Marigold petals from Ganesh Chaturthi at Chowpatty Beach 

Miss:
Incredible trips throughout India--like a last-minute trip to Kerala through the backwaters on a houseboat;

Not miss:
Possibilities of malaria, dengue, cholera, TB and a treasure trove of other good bugs;

Miss:
The high-end and low-brow restaurants that all serve amazing fare with really kind people;

Not miss:
Piles of trash with little rat leaders who surround their germy bounty;

Every rickshaw has its own special flare

Miss:
The movie theater deluxe experience including free drink, blanket, reclining chairs, and movie-side ordering of anything from papa chaat to cappuccinos that is inimitable in any other place (for the high cost of $7);

Not miss:
All the kids begging in the streets, and the sadness that comes from seeing how tough life is for millions of people on a day to day basis; knowing that two people per day starve in the city when so much wealth abounds;

Miss:
Rickshaws--yes, in all of their craziness;

Chaiwallah serving tea on the moving train: he gave us a makeshift seat, stellar guy  

Not miss:
The disordered chaos of driving;

Miss:
All of the fashion, art, and Bollywood events that occur any and every day of the week;

Not miss:
The crowdedness that comes with being the largest city in the second largest country in the world;

Miss:
running across spectacular architecture and little shrines and temples throughout the city;

Not miss:
Haggling.  Scratch that. Sometimes haggling is fun.

Miss:
the beautiful cows who get in the way riding to work every morning;


Not miss:
I don't know.  Mumbai has grown on me.  There really are so many incredible things that I am going to miss, it is hard to say goodbye.

Miss:
The young, creative energy of Mumbai and the people who work so hard to create ventures, venues, and projects;

Miss:

The festivals like Holi and Ganapati Chaturthi and 9 days for Durga and the lights and lanterns at Diwali;

Art is everywhere, if you take the time to look.

Miss:

The affordability of the city; 

the joy of new adventures; 

the smiles from little children in other cars when we are stuck in traffic throughout the city; 

the dusty bizarres and teeny perfumeries; 

sari shops and dessert stops; 

so many vegetarian options; 

the green parrots, hawks, and ominous crows; 

the street dogs who just want to be loved; 

poojas and ablutions; 

prayer sites and chaiwallahs; 

amazing bouquets of flowers; 

train adventures;

upma, parathas, dosas, and fresh bread; 

yoga and Vipassana; 

the religious diversity of Jains, Parsis, Sikhs, Muslims, Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus, and Jews all living together in one city; 

and all of the little non-touristy places where we've made ourselves a home.  

We're going to miss this hectic, 

                                              crazy, 

                                      joyful amazing place: 

                                                                 Rome, you've got a lot to live up to!

Inevitability, Decisions & Choice (or, How life moves you as much or more as you move in life)

Facing the Fates: Deciding What Will Be When Given Limited Options

In the Foreign Service, we move to new places every two to four years.  We are invited to live in a new country, learn a new language, experience a different culture, share with people our journey and vice versa.  Often, we don't always know where we are going to end up.  For some, this can be worrisome, not knowing your future.  But, here's the thing about some of life's big decisions being chosen for you in the Foreign Service: it is exciting.  It is adventurous.  It is amazing.  It can be tough.  It can provide the opportunity to face your greatest fears or to fulfill an unrealized dream long held dear: perhaps both, simultaneously.  It is one thing to decide where you are going and then go. It is alternatively another to say, "Let the fates be made and then be happy with it."  Here is my take (albeit brief) on facing situations where choice is limited or directed.

Hungry?

Letting go of the power of choice can be liberating.  Seems counterintuitive, I know.  So why, you ask, is this so?  Studies in behavioral psychology have repeatedly shown that we are happier and healthier when faced with a number of limited decisions.  Being faced with no choice is life-defeating, but too many choices can be overwhelming.  When the world is our oyster, often we want spaghetti... or are not hungry at all.


When we have more decision-making, more selection, more opportunity, more options, we are happier, right?  Yes and no.  Having self-sufficiency, personal independence, and self-determination provides power.  But with all the choices in the world before you, and little direction, it can lead to stagnation and even paralysis.  What if I choose wrongly?  What if I go down a path that proves a waste of time, energy, and resources?  There is the inevitability of self-doubt, the what-ifs, and the back-o'-the mind question of what could I have done differently?

So many options, so little time!

So how to pick only ONE option, one way, one path, when it appears that ALL selections lie before you?  Hmmm.... that is why it is okay, and perfectly healthy, to shut doors and avenues.  At twenty, I would have doubted that, but it's true: making our own paths leads to alternative realities becoming, indubitably, ever out of reach.  And that is okay. We are but one person: no need to do all and be all when we can be who we are and strive for what we want without losing sight of the values, ideals, and people that are most important to us.

Allowing some amount of flexibility in the decision-making of your future, however, both challenges and pushes you out of your own box of comfortability.  It allows you to think of yourself in ways you had not perceived previously.  It allows you the freedom of being a part of a process where possibility, synchronicity, and chance collide--sometimes beautifully.

Do ya take the call?

As an example, I was sure we would be posted to Africa after Mumbai.  We had several African postings high on our list and I assumed that was where our near future would lead.  I was happy with that.  I was also contented with the idea of going to Latin America, South Asia, the Middle East, and eastern Europe.  I was pretty convinced we would get SOMEthing, I just didn't know what. So when we finally got our post, I was shocked. Incredulous.  Unsure.  I checked and re-read the email over and over.  I thought it might have been a misprint. I was sure someone else would get it, but there were our names beside four little letters: R-O-M-E.  So that was that.  We were going to Rome! (Once I got over the initial shock, by the way, I was thrilled.)


We got an amazing posting and we are elated about our upcoming future.  Cheese!  Wine!  Art! Music!  Italy!  Need I say more?  (I will, er-hum, in future posts).

Of course, every city is a great post, in its own way, but preferentially some are above others on my bucket list.  So this is the post-me, the future me, responding to where I got posted.  [And I realize that months have passed without updating the online community about our next posting worldwide.  Mea culpa.]  In all fairness, I got posted to one of the most intellectually stimulating, soulfully artful, and linguistically interesting places in the world: Bella Roma!  We will move from India to Italy by summer of 2014.

New Doors, New Options

Yes, I was lucky.  Sometimes you don't get your top picks.  Sometimes there is surprise followed by tears.  Sometimes it takes weeks to realize that your world has been turned around overnight and that you are soon going to be learning a different language, buying new clothes, meeting new friends, and eating food that you aren't yet sure about.  And that's okay.

The good news is that most people I've talked to end up adjusting, adapting, and often loving the place they may have not expected or originally hoped for: we learn to live with what we have and be satisfied with what we are given.  The future holds great opportunity, yes, but the present is what we live with, day in, day out: better make the best of it.  Choices I was not happy with, struggles that I was not ready to face, in retrospect, have become my greatest allies, personal triumphs, and happiest moments.  When we do what is always expected, we will know what to expect.  Indeed. But expectations are finite, limited to our current perspective: might as well go for what we can't foresee and invite the opportunity to become more than we ever imagined when we were standing still or stuck in the inertia of indecision.

Go Ahead, Walk a Mile

That's the amazing thing about humanity: we learn to become who we are wherever we may be.  We come to see ourselves through the eyes of others, walking in their shoes, sharing in their meals, and exchanging words of insight.  We come to know who we are by where we stand, where we are going, and who we are with: without new challenges, we remain standing, yes, but at a standstill.  If we always knew what we were going to get, there would never be those moments of risk, surprise, or epiphany in light of the new.  This is the life of the Foreign Service. And it is wonderful.

It's Bidding Time: Where in the World is Next?

It's bidding time again. 

In the Foreign Service we are all worldwide available: we go where we are told according to the needs of the service at the time.  Not every post abroad is in the most ideal of circumstances.  No place, anywhere, is perfect.  But, we do get to list our preferences, to say where we are drawn to and to pitch where we'd like to go.  If you're lucky, and the needs of the service match, you might get to go somewhere high on your list.  This is where the excitement of the Bid List begins.  It opens your mind up to a whole new world, imagining yourself in multiple places scattered across the globe.

Bidding time is that exciting period in the Foreign Service tour abroad where you receive a list of upcoming possibilities--the opportunity for a million new adventures.  Some posts are in tropical, steamy climates while others are frigidly cold.  Some are in danger zones, others are in posh tourist destinations.  Some posts would fulfill lifelong dreams, others seem like a bore. 
 
You begin to do research on places that few of your friends and family have visited, let alone heard of...  While some cities have a bling and surrounding glamour at the mere mention of their name, others are wrought with outsider responses that ask, "Where is that on the map?  Is it safe?  What is its history?  Would I be willing to visit?"  People outside of a traveling lifestyle are often nervous about the unknown.  The unfamiliar appears fear-inducing.  Cities across the globe are often just dots on a map until you hear about someone, or know someone, who is living there.  Suddenly the news for that country becomes a direct listing on your internet feed; your phone app lets you know its weather and time; you begin to worry when you hear that an earthquake is in the region.  Family members wrack their minds and wring their hands over possibilities for their loved ones in countries their neighbor down the street once said was a dangerous (or frightful) place.  

From my experience, choosing your next destination all comes down to perspective.  I ask myself, "What do you hope to achieve in the next few years?  Where can you go that will make the most positive impact?  Which places excite you the most?  Which places are you most afraid to be posted at and why?"  I like to know not just what compels me, but why I am compelled.  I ask myself the tough questions, and I don't shy away from examining why one place is more appealing or personally inviting than another.  I think my preference for particular posts is ultimately an expression of self-identity, of where I want to go and what I want to do over the next few years.  I do not take the opportunity lightly.       

At times, yes, coming to a decision can be nerve-wracking.  You are, after all, bidding on posts in regions you may have never traveled to, in cities you've never seen.  You rely on second-hand knowledge from the people who have gone before you; you read and research and create cards that weigh the ups and downs of each place according to individual needs.  

You are not going on vacation or a temporary visit--you are bidding on your future.  This is where you will live, connect, eat, laugh, cry, walk, and share memories for the next few years.  You don't want to make a mistake, but then, you also don't want to pick a post just because it's easy, known, or doable.  Taking the easy route is rarely my style.  Why go somewhere that is exactly like my home country living abroad?  I am looking to be changed, to interact culturally, to learn.  I don't want to merely create a little America in my new place.  I look to be immersed within community; to understand social nuances; to hear and see the scars that mar the landscape, and listen to the tears that tell their stories. 

I look for a challenge, a place that will inspire, a city that will invite me to grow, stretch and transform.  Two to four years is a long time to be in a new place.  Adjustment takes time.  Language takes effort.  Cultural norms take practice, and new friendships take courage to build.  You have to trust in a new place and people, and hope that they likewise trust in you.

Not to say that all posts aren't great in their own ways--it's just that personal preferences push you towards one region or another, certain types of food or weather, a linguistic challenge...whatever is your vision of a hellish post or a fabulous post, the good news is that someone else wants to go where you wouldn't dream.  That's the beauty of the Foreign Service, and the adventurous spirit of Foreign Service employees: everyone has their own vision for what the best place is, or where their next post can be, because we all come from different backgrounds and experiences. 

Bidding Time is that liminal, transitory phase where you don't know where you are going next, but you've narrowed it down to your top 15 out of 50, or 8 out of 30, or whatever number of posts you learn are currently available. 

With our bid list submitted, now we're in the waiting zone: we will know our future in 2 to 4 weeks.